pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
