My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
