Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
