You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
