Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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