How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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