Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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