we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
