Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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