everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
