So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize