Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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