no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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