I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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