So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
