I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
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hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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