bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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