There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
