Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
