..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
