I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
