I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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