So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Life is so much better after having sex.
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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