There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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