last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
