My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
