It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
