hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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