Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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