You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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