I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize