Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize