bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
