Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
