Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

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(503): View more from Oregon

My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

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(517): View more from Michigan

woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

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(716): View more from New York

kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

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(330): View more from Ohio

I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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(480): View more from Arizona

Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Did you high five my face last night?

(417): View more from Missouri

Yes. Yes I did.

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(305): View more from Florida

You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!

(305): View more from Florida

Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch

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