I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize