I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
