i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
