I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
