I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize