I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
