Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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