can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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