You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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