Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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