Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
