I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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