Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed