dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.