I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter