If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
