grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
