She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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