Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
