I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
