I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize