Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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