I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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