I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
