after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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