Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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