This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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