Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
