The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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