Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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